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09:54pm 19/05/2005
mood: curious
dude says:
how can i convince you that im white

T (OA_++ PACkistan version *#*)))) says:
i dont know

T (OA_++ PACkistan version *#*)))) says:
do something
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you can find it in teh garage   
11:57pm 31/03/2005
mood: impressed
i kinda like it when my face gets so dirty that i rub my hand on it and dirt comes off in flakes. i probably look gnarly tan now.
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holy fucking shit   
11:22pm 11/03/2005
mood: bored
i was motoring to town tonight because i was bored and needed food and i started talkign to myself again like i usually do. i mean it was the usual sort of conversation but then i was liek fuck this shit i need a friend so i made a friend up and put her in the copilot seat and started talking to her. we had a good conversation and it wasnt one sided. i mean i actually made a talkative imaginary friend. usually they just sit and listen to me because no one else does but this one talked back. then i looked into the backseat liek damn this backseat could get a few more friends but i saw the reflection of my jacket and a pair of shoes in the window and whipped aroudn real fast. i turned to my friend and was liek holy shit we really did kill her. were fuckign the man. and i was so god damn proud of myself for having a friend and a dead body i almost didnt even need the ice cream that i went to town to get.
thinkgin about this further i probably didnt need the ice cream i just wanted to make a friend to talk to because the friend i made this morning i left on the side of the road when he told me he was rich. pretty fucked up like i should have stolen his money so then i wouldnt have over drawn my bank accoutn buying icecream. all in all though i believe this night was a success. it had all the elements of a good movie to it. suspense, action, drama. and best of all i just had to be like ok i got my computer you can leave now and then i was alone with the computer and my friend went away. ill probably call her back tomorrow and be liek im lonely again wanna be my friend and she will be like yeah ill be your friend cause you look lonely. and ill get embaressed liek i have lots of friends and she will be like fuckign liar but say it smiling so i dont feel bad for having no friends. then we will motor out and ride summer then go to work and come home and then ill be like you can go home now cause im just gonna sit here and look at pictures of dead people for a few hours and talk to myself on messenger. i think that the one person messenger convesations are the best because they are the funniest like i can say things to myself that everyone woudl call me a bad person for saying but then when it comes up on the computer screen i can laugh and be like i fucking agree one hundred and one percent this person is what ive been looking for. i mean not that i like myself because i fucking despise who i am. id just rather talk about hating people with someone that understands and will always talk to me and doesnt do other things because they are like im fucking better than you because i say the right htings. but the right things are always boring and if everythiung is boring than you stop thinking and your dumb forever. whereas if you keep up a good conversation your always moving foreward and discovering new things. kind of like switching to a faster internet connection. your going faster adn faster, learnign new thigns all the time. but then if your internet connection is slow as molasses on a cold day you can just talk to yourself and thats still moving foreward because you can ask yourself questions that you dont know the answer to and the other part of you will answer them so your always learning. faster internet connnections and new friends will keep you on the right track so your always like yeah i can spell that word but then when you take out a few letters and scrunch shit around the word will be someting else and then you can get a new friend and go to town to get chocolate.
pfiza teh manimal health   
09:06pm 06/03/2005
mood: working

i told giulia i was going to go to her dance party but then iwas like whatever dont know where she lives so i sat and played chips challenge for 7 hours. then i looked at the clock and was liek fuck i played chlippy for 7 hour so then i played me some jezzball and tetravex. around 11 maty got online and i talked to her about wearing leather pants and mesh shirts with sandles and a hat so it was liek COLD HOT COLD HOT. bop it style. cories birthday was yesterday so i gotta go buy her somethign with my non existant money. my mom actually gave me money to buy her a present because she was like CORIE I LIKE CORIE. and iwas like yeah you do carolyn. corie doesnt like me though probably cause my horse pisses on itself better than her horse. anyway i got a job at dominoes i make the pizza. ill hate it in a few days but i make the pizza.

on a lighter note we saw mr 190 the other day at a gas station in the middle of the night and this slut was sitting in teh passenger seat and iwas taking picture of him with myphone and she was giving me dirty looks. fuckin bitch did not know she was sitting in the auto god. i kinda miss mr 190 he was the man. i mean eddie is great fuckin great but he just doesnt have the personality mr 190 did. i wish eddie would do weird thigns with accelerator pedal and get his cruise control lever stuck. that cruise control lever was manly.

whatever i just gave badge a bath and  now hes sleeping under my pillow wearing his pj's.

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you gttta face on the dog   
11:26pm 08/02/2005
mood: happy
i finished chapter 6 in my math book today. hell of a chapter it was but thankfully this teacher whose name i still dont know sat next to me for 5 hours talking me through that beast. i think she liked me. she was telling me about jogging and i was telling her about my rashes and then she told me i was charming. then when she kept getting problem #48 wrong i told her it was okay and that we all made mistakes. so then she told me i had a great personality. this teacher shes my favorite. according to her im charming and i have a great personality. then mr kirkland had to point out that i was a-ok with cannibalism and really did have weird rashes. i dont know what she thinks of me now but i still hope she likes me. joel was there today as well and hes such my new buddy. i was all messing with some website he had and now it doesnt work but i dont think that it was my fault. then i did his science homework while he was sucking ink out of pen. what i really want though is for the little girl to come back and draw me pictures of grizzly bears. she was awesome.
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if i told i had potential would you make my internet faster?   
06:07pm 06/02/2005
mood: enraged

i just made the best fuckign god damn pizza ever. holy moly it was amazing. you have  no idea. i winged that marvelous sphere out of the oven and put it on the counter to cool off a bit then i left to go get the camera because this was one hell of a nice looking pizza. while i made the icy trek to my room that fuckign asshole dusty ate half of my god damn pizza. he fucking ruined it. i thought i was goign to die. cutting into that culinary delight was like cutting my heart into pieces.

my poor aborted fetus of a pizzaCollapse )
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take it off   
09:04pm 25/01/2005
mood: cheerful
last night i got all comfortable like in this quite uncomfortable chair. then after i assumed the intenses computering position withthe keyboard all at a jaunty angle i felt the urge to peeeeee. so i got up and went pee, but while i was peeing i was stroking my leg and it was all warm. and i was like OH HELL NO!!!!! i so thought that i peed on my leg and i was fucking not again. why does this always happen to me. but it wasnt pee my leg was jsut warm because i put it on the heater.
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OMG OMG OMG the never before seen alternate suicide ending   
09:37pm 05/01/2005
mood: pleased

im the best sister ever

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thats my crime scene   
11:46pm 19/12/2004
mood: crushed
there was a girl from new mexico in my room yesterday. her name was tracey and her cell phone worked.
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you stick out like a beauty queen with no teeth   
09:40pm 13/12/2004
mood: anxious
today i went to matys after work for no reason. i told her iw as going to come over and go to sleep but instead i just laid on her bed. then her mom made something weird for dinner but i ate it because i was hungry then i drove home and i didnt get lost but it still took me like an hour to get home. so anyway i got home and i couldnt find anything to drink so i started drinking this weird snapple that i found in my room. it was half full still and i was like JACKPOT!!!!! YES!!!! BINGO!!!! so i was drinking it and i just finished drinking it and now i remember why i didnt drink it before. i spit somethign in it and set it aside. but whatever.
my car sucks. the gas pedal keeps sticking. im a shitty fucking driver. maty told me i almost crashed into travissssss mom on the way back from murder by death but i wasnt paying attention and she wasnt paying attention so we dont really know.

i need chips challenge.. i cant stand it. for the last week i have been arrowing keying the air. directing chip past the fire and bugs. I NEED LEVEL 65!!!!!!! omg that is the best level. i could play it for days. if i cant get chips challenge then fucking i need jezzball. jezzball is the only thing i have ever been good at. i shit you not. i cant read i cant cook i cant do anything except jezzball. im extraordinarily good at jezzball. i got a 400,000 once. thats fucking unheard of especially since matys highest score is like 40,000.but now i wish i had spent the night at matys because she has chipppy on her computer. and i keep trying to download it but my computer keeps giving me these shitty excuses and im like FUCK YOU I NEED CHIPPPY!!!! i have the disk that its on but i fucking put it somewhere and iw as like fucking im putting it here so i can find it because i love this thing as much as i love my dog. and tahts fucking saying something.
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11:33pm 07/11/2004
mood: accomplished
today i thought i was all cool because i stumped the internet translator thing when i was asking it about bowel movements. for some reason i couldnt get it to go back to english. it was weird. i mean it had no problems translating sentences about maty having sex with chickens but when it gets to bowel movements it just quit translating into english. so then i got all excited. i was liek OMG OM GOMG YES i stumped it. real proud of myself. so then i typed in why dont you understand bowel movements. and it translated it into greek then i told it to translate the greek back into english and its answer was because dont you understand the locomotions of intestines.
oh man
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08:23am 01/11/2004
mood: confused

you know how in the mummy the bald guy says something like anok su namun or whatever to the half naked girl? today  my mom said that to the dog..

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10:28pm 20/10/2004
mood: curious

wtf is this that was in my refridgerator recently of last month?

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shitty kitty pissed on my bed   
08:52pm 11/10/2004
mood: content
i was on ebay last night looking for a gold menorah and i came across some sort of genital wart cream. 100% satisfaction guarantee. now i know that if i get genital warts i can buy some sort of genital wart busting cream on ebay for 5 bucks. im super psyched about that. if you have 100 dollars you can buy an empty bottle of vicodin. i dont know why anyone would spend 100 dollars on an EMPTY bottle of vicodin. these people were really going crazy bidding on it as well. there was like 10 bids in 6 hours or something crazy. i was in awe, but then my night got better. i was looking for some sort of cat ear mite stuff and i came across a bottle of vicodin. holy shit i was so excited i fell off the stool i was standing on. there i was laying on the ground with a broken ass staring at a possible 100 dollar bottle of vicodin. images of candy and books were swirling around in my head. just think of how many chik-o-sticks you could buy with 100 dollars. then my ass stopped being broken and i put the bottle back and walked away to make a pizza. i was fucking hungry so i ate my pizza and waited another few hours on the internet for maty to come online which she never did. i think she hates me now because i changed her msn name to "i'm sexually addicted to the internet" personally i think this name is great but you never know.
in other news im taking my driving test on wednesday and im probably going to be driving my dads truck. my driving is iffy on any day but driving my dads truck just isnt going to be good. i mean i can barely reach the pedals. and i just brushed something off my chin that looks like an alligator.
11:08pm 06/10/2004
mood: maty telling me about cops
OMG OMG OMG OMG i was fucking with the keyboard and i made the internet toolbars go all shitty. you know how it gets all small and turns into a different formant without an address bar and start bar. i hate that. if you hammer the f9 f10 and f11 it comes back. im not exactly sure what keys do it but it works. everyone probably knows this but dammit im going to forget so i says to myself wing that onto the livejournal and your safe
bow to your gods and the 5 minute dentist appointment   
08:35pm 06/10/2004
mood: distressed

today me and maty conquered san luis with the intent to get the rabbit fixed. so we drive directly to the german car fixers fixing place and the german guy was sending off funny vibes. it really felt like he hated us. it might have been that we duck taped the gas cap onto the rabbit which is probably some sort of german classic car. honestly 1982 diesel volkswagen rabbit ls. how can you not worship a car like that. but the guy really did hate us and he told us that we had to come back at 2 because then he would have time to fix it. it was like 9 then so we were like fuck we must shop.  so off we go shopping which isnt really shopping its just looking around waiting to see when 2 would come and the rabbit could be restored to its natural beauty or just so the guy could put the essential bolts back on the alternator. we cruised to boo boo and bought the new faint cd which is quite good then we walked through numerous other shops and looked at shoes with sequins on them and said if only i was rich these shoes would be mine in all colors. so as we cautiously crossed the crosswalk because our street crossing skills are nonexistant we saw this guy standing on the other side eyeing us. he might have been trying to seduce us but his seductive gaze just wasnt equal to the rabbit parked at a jaunty angle.  so then this guy strolls up to us and asks us where the ross was. so we pointed down the street about 50 feet to where there was a big blue ross sign and said i bet its there. he was so thankful for this advice he started educating us on what to wear so we dont looks slutty. his suggestion was to wear a shirt that was cut off the shoulder because it wasnt slutty as a tank top and it showed a bit of "tan shoulder" which he thought was the bees knees. after he gave us a quick run over of his physique mentioning his slim hips, flat stomach, and a little bit of junk in his trunk complete with a slight turn to the side and an ass grab he informed us that he shopped in the junior miss department at ross. he was raving about how last time he shopped there all the "pretty" girls that worked there were helping him try on clothes and taking pictures of him. i have a slight idea of why they were taking pictures of him but i didnt say anything. he completed his amazing praise of ross by telling us it was so great to get "tops" for five dollars that he told his daughter to get her ass to ross to shop and told us that his ex wife was a bitch who only wore designer clothes. when he went over all this i thought okay now this guys going to leave and we can get on our way but he started up again. he then gave us a quick runover of a pair of shiny black pants that he bought that had pink lining and he was going to wear them to the witches party. now when i heard witches party i thought thank god its a halloween party, but my faith was misplaced when he said their real witches and they invited me to their coven. maybe i should have winged out the comment that my sister was a wiccan witch but i was speechless at this point. so he went on his way to ross saying somethign about a hat and me and maty quickly left the area. that guy was amazing though he was sorta short with gray hair and he was wearing prescription sunglasses.

we then decided that it was lunch and dammit we need to eat so we headed to the nearest taco bell and ate chalupas while these weird taco bell workers were staring at us. they made it blantantly obvious that they were staring at us and at every other person in the room taht didnt have a dick. the person calling the order numbers was a mexican with an asian accent. maty pointed this out and i was like wow talk about multicultural.  finally at 2 we brought the rabbit back to the german guy to get it fixed  and then we left to go to the goodwill we finally found after shady directions that lead us to the other side of the town. at goodwill i found a shirt that PERFECTLY matches the silver metallic scarf thing i bought at the goodwill in atascadero. it was an amazing moment in my life. i mean stuff like this just doesnt happen everyday. so we cruise back stopping at the army surplus story admiring canteens and such. finally we get the rabbit back maty thought it was a bit slower but it didnt rattle as bad so that is kinda a plus. on the way back to my house we were following some guy who was using his hazard lights as blinkers and we just stared. it was obvious that this guy was an advanced human being and his kind is rare. we just drove after him glazed expressions concentrating on this man that was so obviously superior to us. he then used his hazard lights to get off at the exit where we noticed that the break lights only worked on the right side of the car. once again we were informed that this guy was better than us only to see him throw trash out the window and really hammer down the blantant fact that he was better than we would ever be. eh so then we went home and i said that a volvo was goign dead fast and maty pronounced volvo with a deep south white trash accent. that volvo was dead fast though. dead fast.

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dosay shit fate4   
10:50pm 04/10/2004
mood: thirsty

rusty was in my dreams last night. chasing me and i fell in mud and then he kept walking looking for his pants. my dreams i fucking hate them. sdflkjdsjfdsjk NEVER FORGET FUCKING DDFDSFJDSFJJKJDSJFKLSDJFKLSDFJ NO!!!!!!!

so this is how i became emotionally scarred for life. i was at maty's tipped house. maybe its drinking buddies with its backyard senor sex. you never know. after a refreshing nights sleep i woke up and decided to walk out into the living room to talk to thomas. i wanted to talk to him about i dont know but i decided that dammit i was goign to talk to thomas. then i do the normal walk out of the room wing a michael jackson dance move around the corner, pretend im super cool imagine myself famous and rich. when i got my eyes straight i saw a naked person standing next to thomas who was on the computer. completly fucking naked talking to thomas about bingo. so i fucking lunge back into matys room and push her out the the bedroom door to see what i just saw. make sure i wasnt just hallucinating. when she saw she shoulder slammed be back into the room and slammed the door. naked person standing next to thomas in the living room talking to thomas about bingo. just to get things straight i didnt know this guy even lived in the camper in matys backyard. i didnt even know she had a backyard or a camper in the backyard. so were in matys room dying from laughter. we finally come out later and ask thomas what the fuck was going on and he starts telling us a story about rusty luring him into his room to show him a bottle of 15 dollar hair conditioner. thomas must be semi blind. the naked guy in his room standing straddle legged over a pile of dirty clothes holding a bottle of hair conditioner. this would have sent me to the mental hospital. i mean adfudkfjsdakfdkj NOT IN MY ROOM. so me and maty are like fuck we have to leave. its essential. so as were leaving i see rusty crusing around the side of the house topless and i look away. i just cant fathom how maty must feel . i mean if there was a naked drunk guy living in a camper in my backyard who strutted around my house naked i would be a little freaked out.

then later he was stalking us while we were trying to scurry around the outside of the house looking for some water turn off valve. another story another day. and he cornered us near the truck to give us a talk about how he was sorry about what happened. but the strange part of the conversation was that he didnt really think it was weird to be standing in matys living room naked talking to thomas about bingo. honestly he was like i heard you two laughing and im sorry but thats all i got. you know i wish i had more but im stuck with this. at this point i had to walk away because i thought i was going to die from trying not to laugh. this guy. im fascinated in a morbid way. he thought we were laughing at his small dick when we were laughing because he was in the living room naked talking to thomas about bingo. i mean you just dont see things like that everyday.

i cant even think of this clearly enough to write about it. its just something if i was normal i hope would never happen again but fuck it was funny as hell. im kind of jealous of maty that she gets to live with this fine speciman. i would pay for someone like that to live in my backyard. this guy is simply breathtaking. he is a must see. 5 stars. a perfect 10.

i guess this is matys way of getting back at me because i had herpes and she didnt.

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updated and desecrated   
12:31pm 23/09/2004
mood: the c key winged off again
sniffing screen doors will make you sneeze. sniffing white board markers and national geographics will make you hungry.
ten year old fuck   
11:02am 23/09/2004
mood: bored

okay first things first im pissed off that britney spears got married. its not that im angry shes married its that she married this piece of trash that has two kids with a black person. its not right.

i just randomly remembered that when i was little i used the 0 key instead of the o key. i would type this paragraph about my horse or dog then look at it and be like wtf why are all the o's different sizes. then the teacher would walk by and give me this look and i would give her the yeah i know ill fix it you idiot look right back. that teacher was a moron. i think she was old and had mustache.

news off of daily rotten says that some kids were allegedly mistreated because they were forced to pee on a cushion.  those kids are fucking whiners. honestly peeing on a cushion is not mistreatment. in my opinion it can be perceived as an act of kindness. think about it. maybe there wasnt a working toilet so they were like here pee on the cushion it reduces that messy pee splatter. i would piss on a cushion without complaint and im sure most people would. or another thought was maybe there were conserving water because they didnt have those special water conserving toilets and they didnt want to piss in a bowl or somethign so they were like hey cushion this wont splatter. also these fucking whiners were complaining about how they had to spit in each others food. wtf. its like a peace treaty or a pinky swear. as long as the other person isnt sick totally okay in  my opinion. spit in my food and ill spit in yours. its like a peace treaty.  its better that way. less brawls between the fucking whiners.

in other news i was reading in time magazine that the christians in iraq are being mistreated as well. they arent pissing on cushoins though. muslims are just dumping trash on their porches. no big deal get a broom asshole. sweep it back into the rag heads yard. take a hint you fucking bible humpers. your in iraq be muslim. convert its not that hard. i think it would be easier to be muslim in iraq with all the mosques and what not. and if your to shit brained to change religions to save your life then you deserve to die. anyway most religions are basically the same. they have some sort of huge ego god figure and book that no one knows who the hell wrote it. except for the atheists but they are just fucking weird and dont count. its like the christians are like the jews and black people now. they are always complaining about being persecuted when they arent being fucking persecuted. you want to know what persecuted is? its the lunch lady when the food runs out thats motherfucking persecution. not this christianity crap.

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its expiration date has passed yet it has grown stronger   
11:37pm 22/09/2004
mood: lazy
i hear about these celebrity look alikes and i think to myself dammit i want to look like im rich.
im not into the way they look or anything i just want their money. there
is nothing wrong with wanting someones money. my dad might pass as a celebrity
look alike though if you count saddam  hussein as a celebrity. many people (maty) agree with
me when i say this. i mean my dad looks almost exactly like saddam. which i think is totally great
i mean great with a capital g great. Great! i told my dad this and he sorta looked at me
and smiled. he thought it was cool but he said there are a few reasons that he
wasnt saddam. i forget them but ill go with what i think right here why my dad looks like saddam
but inside hes 100% adolf. A. my dads father was a nazi. (enough reason right here) B. my dad thinks
the holocaust was blown out of proportion and that the jews were deserving. C. my dad is totally the
greatest speaker ever. he probably has 75% of hitlers speaking talents and thats saying something.
someone got drunk once and said my dad might look like george bush senior. this comment haunted me.
i mean thats fucked. anyone with the last name bush is dumb as shit. totally not the kind of thing
to say to someone thats 100% adolf inside. i kind of wished they had said it to my dad's face. we
like to watch good fights once in a while. but then if my dad did look like george bush senior then that
would mean that dusty is the idiot son of an asshole and dusty deserves better. i mean he can wear
silk shirts with alligators on them and make it totally haute couture or whatever that high fashion is called.
so all in all my moms a stupid bitch and my dad is god.
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